How One Man Is Changing the Stigma Around Porn Addiction (with special guest Jeremy Lipkowitz)

Reading Time: 29 minutes

Do you experience shame, guilt and embarrassment because of an overwhelming need to watch pornographic material regularly? Are you questioning if you have an unhealthy relationship with pornography?

On this week’s episode of Hard Beautiful Journey, I sit down with Jeremy Lipkowitz, a porn addiction recovery coach who overcame his own personal addiction to pornography in his early 20s. Now this mindfulness and emotional intelligence facilitator works to help other men overcome their addiction to porn and the shame that accompanies it.

For the past 11 years, Jeremy has been following the Buddhist philosophy and teaching others about compulsive behaviours and the practice of meditation. He has travelled across Europe, Asia and the United States, speaking at universities and recovery centers. He’s also been featured in places like Men’s Health and Livestrong Magazine.

Jeremy combines his science-based expertise with his passion for personal development, helping others find inner peace, fulfillment and a deeper purpose in life.

Get ready to speak your truth and reach out for support.

EPISODE SUMMARY

In today’s episode, you’ll hear about Jeremy’s journey from porn addict to support coach and mentor and how courage helped him on the path to self-discovery and healing.

• Who is Jeremy, and what is his story (1:47)
• How porn altered his perception and painted an unrealistic picture of sexuality and intimacy from an early age (6:19)
• What was the turning moment that made Jeremy realize he had an addiction (8:02)
• How porn had started consuming his life daily (9:57)
• How taking ownership of his choices helped Jeremy overcome his addiction and start him on the right path (11:54)
• How meditation helped Jeremy (12:49)
• A trip to India that allowed Jeremy to focus on himself (14:12)
• What Jeremy would recommend for others addicted to porn (14:42)
• How hiding your addiction can have you feeling like you’re living in a prison (15:38)
• How Jeremy felt the first time opening up to friends and family about his struggles (17:23)
• How porn addiction can be an uncomfortable and sensitive topic for many (19:06)
• The dangers of ignoring an addiction and not seeking help (19:38)
• How 95% of porn is insulting, derogatory and violent towards women (20:39)
• How compassion can go a long way towards helping someone with an addiction (22:25)
• Where can people go for support (25:03)
• What accountability and support can do for someone suffering from addiction (25:58)
• What are some of the signs of porn addiction (31:17)
• How porn addiction may be easier to hide than other forms of addiction (32:35)
• How to recognize some of the tell-tale signs of a porn addiction (33:35)
• How Jeremy’s friends and family reacted when he told them about his addiction (35:05)
• How women can also struggle with an addiction to porn ((38:04)
• The one thing Jeremy wants people to know about porn addiction (39:50)
• Why we need to normalize these conversations (40:41)
• Two things that Jeremy is grateful for (42:26)

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

“What you frequently think about and ponder upon becomes the inclination of your mind” – The Buddha

“The porn out there really taps into that primal sexual system of the male physiology. And so, it is more common in men, but we also see it in women.”

“They’re not alone. They’re not broken. And healing is possible.”

“When you realize you’re not a monster, that is so healing.”

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Jeremy Lipkowitz Coaching

Jeremy Lipkowitz on Instagram
Hard Beautiful Journey website
Tiffany Vaughan on Facebook
Tiffany Vaughan on Instagram
Finding Hope Through Your Siblings Addiction (Private) Facebook Group

NEXT STEPS

Are you or someone you know walking your own Hard Beautiful Journey? If you haven’t done so already, make sure to join the Hard Beautiful Journey community, where you’ll find a group of like-minded individuals offering love and support. Resonate with what you heard on today’s episode? Please leave a review on Apple Podcast so it can reach more listeners. And don’t forget to follow on Apple Podcasts!

Thanks for listening!

Tiff

Full Episode Transcript

INTRODUCTION:
(0:00) Welcome to Hard Beautiful Journey. This is a podcast about addictions, mental health and
unresolved trauma. Do you want to feel less alone and more supported on the addiction journey you
never thought you would be on? Do you find yourself asking questions such as, how can I help my loved
one overcome their addiction? And am I doing enough? Do you wake up afraid that today will be the
day, your loved one overdoses and passes away?
(0:28) Hey, I’m Tiffany. I too felt helpless and wished that I could do more to help my brother, who was
struggling with addiction and mental health. I wanted him to find the help he needed and turn his life
around. But I kept telling myself, it’s too hard to beat this. There are not enough resources. And I’m not
a professional. So, what else can I do? I felt alone until I found hope through community, and I want to
help you do the same. In this podcast, you will find community, hope and resources to support your
loved one through their addiction, and most importantly, support you. So grab a seat, get your earbuds
in and let’s take this hard, beautiful journey together.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(1:14) Hey there, thank you for being here for this episode of Hard Beautiful Journey. As always, I am
super grateful that you are here and listening to the podcast. Today we are talking about a topic of
addiction that we haven’t touched on yet. So I’m really looking forward to exploring this as I know it is
an addiction that deserves just as much awareness as any other. The topic today is porn addiction. And I
couldn’t think of a better guest to start this conversation with then Jeremy Lipkowitz.
(1:47) Jeremy is a mindfulness and emotional intelligence facilitator and porn addiction recovery coach
for men. Jeremy overcame his own addiction to pornography in his early 20s. With the help of
mindfulness meditation, and Buddhist philosophy, which not only helped him let go of his destructive
behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.
(2:13) For the past 11 years, Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices
at universities, recovery centers and companies throughout Europe, Asia and the US. He has been
featured in places like Men’s Health and LIVESTRONG magazine for his work in helping people overcome
compulsive behaviors and addictions. So without further ado, let’s get to this interview with Jeremy.
(2:42) Hey, Jeremy, how are you doing?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(2:44) I’m doing great. Happy to be here.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(2:46) I’m really happy, you’re here today. Thank you so much for coming on to my podcast to talk about
your journey with addiction. And specifically porn addiction is what we’re going to talk about today. As
with most addictions, there is definitely a stigma attached to it, am I right? This is definitely one that has
a stigma attached to it as well. This one has no exception. And I’m really looking forward to hearing
about your experience and what you know, to be true for this area of addictions and how you’re now
taking your journey through this and helping other people and specifically men that may be dealing with
the same struggles. And there are quite a few of them that are dealing with this. Right?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(3:40) Yeah, yeah, it’s a much bigger problem than we realize.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(3:44) So, Jeremy, let’s start with your story. And how you got to talking with me today on my podcast
about this subject?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(3:54) Yeah, so my story, you know, to kind of just dive straight into the deep end, porn addiction was
something that I got introduced to. I guess porn in any sort of porn and pornographic material is
something I was introduced to at a very young age. And it started with very kind of innocent types of
pornography or just pornographic things for me as a young boy, so comic books, where I was looking at
the attractive women, lingerie catalogs, things that are quite harmless, but it over time grew into more
and more of an obsession.
(4:30) So as I got to high school, and then got to college, and there was more availability, more stuff that
I could access online with high-speed internet, it started growing into more and more of an addiction.
And it’s very interesting because when it’s something that’s with you from a very young age, you don’t
realize yourself becoming addicted to it. It’s just something that’s been a part of your life from such an
early age that you don’t realize that anything is off or strange or out of whack.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(5:00) Can I ask, sorry, what age were you when it when you started to look at this stuff or notice that it
was different?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(5:10) I mean, I think like all young boys, maybe not all but you know, our sexual drive starts, you know,
we start getting interested in the female body at a young age. And so I think I must have been maybe
seven or eight years old when I started noticing that there was a difference between, you know, the

male and female superheroes. And some of the female superheroes that I was looking at these comic
books had bodies that I was interested in. And so again, it starts from a very natural, one of the things I
really liked to talk about with porn addiction. Some people struggling with porn addiction, is to really
normalize your sexuality, and know that it’s okay to have desires to be attracted to have sexual feelings.
It’s when it gets out of control that it’s a problem. But for me, it did start at that early age, maybe seven
or eight years old, and then starting to look at lingerie catalogs, and you slowly starting to get access to
photos on the internet and things of that nature.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(6:10) And how did it goes from there? What did you find yourself involved in, in the teenage years?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(6:19) Yeah, so when I started getting into high school, that’s when I really noticed myself using the
internet in a way that I was ashamed of. And so I would hide it from my family, you know, I would log on
at midnight or one in the morning in the computer that was in the living room and just hope that
nobody would come out. And looking at pornographic material. It started with just you know, women in
bikinis and lingerie, this stuff. But then over time, especially as I got into college, it started getting more
extreme into hardcore pornography, I feel quite lucky that I never got into anything that was way out of
line with my values or morals. So for me, it was never to a place where I was getting into things that
were dangerous or illegal. But I was noticing my, especially by the time I got to college, that I was getting
so perfectionistic because porn paints such an unreal picture of what women’s body should look like and
unreal picture of what sexuality and intimacy is all about.
(7:24) And so I was warping my brain in a way that was unhealthy in the way that when I was having
sexual experiences, you know, I just wasn’t really able to be there in a full way. And it was affecting my
ability to be content with my partners and be happy and all the ways that it kind of the minor ways that
it affects your life, it’s hard to take joy and simple pleasures, because you’re just so overloaded with
dopamine, you’re constantly sitting there and pushing the dopamine. So I noticed the effect it was
having on me. And by the time I got to college, that’s when I hit this point where I realized something
had to change.
(8:02) And I remember it was a very, very kind of moment that’s etched into my memory, I was walking
down the street, and it was a beautiful sunny day, everything in my life was going well. I was, you know,
good grades, good in school captain of a sports team. And I remember looking at these two girls walking
in front of me and I was filled with lust, just all I could think about was I was undressing them with my
eyes and just wanted to sleep with them. And in that moment, I realized that my mind was so warped by
pornography, that I was walking around just feeling lust, non stop. And that lust itself is an experience of
suffering. That in that moment of craving something you don’t have is a moment where you’re not
grateful for the things you do have you’re not content, you’re not satisfied, you’re not thinking how can I
help someone, you’re just filled with this feeling of I need to have that. And if I don’t have it, I can’t be
happy.

(9:06) And that moment, it triggered something in me because I saw that if I didn’t make a change. If I
didn’t do something different than I was going to end up as some 70 year old perverted guy that’s trying
to pick up girls at college bars. And that was a really pivotal moment for me because it really showed me
the path that I was headed on was not a path that I wanted. And that’s when everything started to
change. That’s when I really got interested in okay, I need to figure this out. I need to understand what
I’m doing to my mind, what is pornography doing? How can I break free from this addiction? Because at
that point, it really was an addiction.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(9:46) Like when you say like for an alcoholic or drugs it like a daily or multi times a day. Is that the level
of addiction that you had?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(9:57) Yeah, it was definitely daily. Um, every night, essentially, I would watch porn for two or three
hours in a log, I would go into my room, close the door, lock the door, and then log on and just be
browsing. And for people who are not, you know, aware of what modern day porn sites are like, if
you’ve ever seen YouTube, where there’s just these thumbnails of videos, and you can just scroll and
scroll and looking at all these different videos, that’s what modern day porn sites are like. And any, you
know, in a span of five minutes, you could be seeing hundreds or 1000s of different video clips and faces
and bodies. And so you’re really getting addicted to variety and novelty.
(10:45) And that’s one of the things you know, imagine two or three hours of hardcore internet
pornography, where you’re seeing 1000s of different women, and you’ve become so hyper attuned and
so, you know, so picky. So, and this is where you kind of, you need more and more extreme things to
turn you on. And this is where some people end up getting into things that are illegal or shocking, or out
of alignment with their values. So for me, it was, you know, the daily two or three hours every night, and
then sometimes it’d be multiple times a day. There were times where I was just needed an escape, I
needed to numb out and it’s because an addiction is a way of it’s a coping mechanism. It’s an escape
mechanism. And so if anything happened, you know, just go watch porn, and so it’d be some multiple
times a day, some days, but definitely every day for a few hours.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(11:37) So how did you What steps did you take? Like, again, back to other types of addictions? Like
alcohol, drugs, there’s a rehab process, how to remove yourself from that situation? How do you do that
in this situation with porn?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(11:54) Yeah, the situation that I was in, I didn’t have access to any support groups. And I didn’t know, I
think part of it is I didn’t even know that anybody else struggled with it. Because it’s again, it’s not
something you hear a lot about, especially, this was 15 years ago. So it was a long time ago. And you

didn’t hear about porn addiction, you didn’t hear that it was a thing people struggled with. And so when
I realized that I was struggling with it, I really thought I was alone. I thought I was truly alone. I was,
yeah, I thought I was a pervert. I kind of had some sense that maybe other people were like me, but it
was definitely nothing where I felt like I knew where to go. And so this, it was an unfortunate thing. And
this is part of the reason I do the work I do today of letting people know they’re not alone, letting people
know how they can get support and accountability.
(12:49) But for me, what it looked like was really taking ownership of my life taking responsibility.
Because in that moment, when I had this, this kind of turning point in my life, I ended up finding this
book on meditation. And part of that book had something that was really enlightening for me. And it
was about neuroplasticity. And there’s this one quote that said that neurons that fire together, wire
together.
(13:17) And essentially, I realized that, you know, this is something that the Buddha said 2600 years ago,
he said, “What you frequently think about and ponder upon, becomes the inclination of your mind”.
(13:28) And so if you’re always thinking kind thoughts, you’re strengthening those neural pathways, the
neural pathway associated with kindness. For me, I had realized that I was, over the years, decades of
looking at porn every single night, I was strengthening the neural pathways of lust and craving and
objectification. And that those pathways, in my mind were superhighways.
(13:53) And what that showed me is that I need to be the one to change it. You know, it’s not about
society. It’s like, I need to stop doing this behavior. That’s hardwiring in lust and craving and desire. And
the only one who can do that is me. And so that really got me interested in meditation and self mastery.
(14:12) I ended up being fortunate enough to travel to India and spend quite a lot of time in meditation
retreats and monasteries, really diving into myself. You know, that’s not accessible for everyone. And it’s
not what I recommend. Because there’s, you know, people have families, jobs, there’s a lot of reasons
why people can’t do that. It’s what I had to do at the time, and I had to do it without support and
accountability. But honestly, it’s not the path I would recommend for most people.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(14:42) What would you recommend for people in the same situation that you were in?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(14:47) Yeah, I think the most effective thing that you can do to break free from porn is finding a place
where you can be supported and held accountable by other people. And where you can show up
vulnerably. You know, if you have a group where you can go and you can say, hey, this is something I
struggle with. And even that alone, just being able to express that it’s something you struggle with,
already lessens the shame, because shame is something that keeps a lot of people stuck in that spiral of
addiction, thinking they’re alone thinking that they’re broken. But when you can go to a group of other
men and say, “Hey, guys, I’m struggling with this.” And they sit there and they just look at you and say,
“hey, that’s okay, we’re here for you.” And you realize you’re not a monster, like that is so healing.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(15:36) That’s so freeing, right?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(15:38) Yeah, yeah. Because otherwise, you’re living in this prison of thinking you’re this horrible person.
And then when you finally share that secret, you know, the thing that feels like you’ve been locked away
in your closet, you know, like your skeletons in the closet. And then you let it out. And you realize, Oh,
that wasn’t as bad as I thought.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(16:00) I know exactly what you’re talking about. And for my loyal listeners, they know about my
infertility journey, and our infertility journey. And, and it’s the same thing, like, you’re, you know, you’re
not the only one going through it. Just like porn, you knew you weren’t the only one going through it.
Like, I was literally sitting in waiting rooms with a whole bunch of other people. So I knew, yeah, there
was other people doing it or going through it. But in your mind, you’re like, “No, there is something
definitely wrong with me.” Because my body’s not doing this. So I obviously am, you know, something’s
wrong with me, and there’s a lot of shame in it. And it was when I actually, same thing where I said, “I’m
okay with sharing this part of my journey”, and actually getting real and vulnerable with it. And that
release the shame. Immediately. Once I actually decided to say it out loud and share our story. And,
honestly, that is not even something on my heart anymore. As s a shame piece of my life. It’s more I look
at it now as part of my journey and part of the growth. Is that how you feel to?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(17:23) 100% I mean, it’s the reason that I can come on a podcast now and share with the whole world,
you know, on my Instagram and Facebook everywhere basically talks about how I struggled with porn
addiction. And if you were to tell me back then that I would be sharing it publicly for the whole world to
see and to judge, I would have laughed in your face. Because the moment, from the moment I realized I
had an addiction with it, to the day that I could tell a single person that I even looked at porn, let alone
had an addiction to it was six years, it took me six years to even open up to a single person, even after I
had broken free from the addiction. It took me another five years to even say, Hey, I used to really
struggle with this, because I was so ashamed of it. And now I can talk about it. Like it’s nothing. Maybe
not like it’s nothing, you know, there’s still some hesitation. Sometimes I’m still like, oh, okay, I wonder
what this person’s gonna think. But it’s much easier for me, and there’s so much less shame around it.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(18:28) I find the more you even tell the story to multiple people. It also sheds a layer of shame. Every
single time you tell it.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(18:37) Yeah, yeah. And the beautiful thing is it also sheds the shame for other people. And it’s one of
the reasons I do these things is going on and talking about my porn addiction. I know there are people
out there who are going to hear this and say, I had no idea people could talk about this freely. And that,
you know, is inspiring.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(18:57) Are you finding that there are many people who still don’t want to talk about this type of
addiction and, and just shy away from it?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(19:06) 100% Yeah, I mean, it’s, it’s a sensitive, you know, it’s not just a shameful topic. It’s just sensitive
for everyone. You know, even if you have no relationship to porn addiction, most people just don’t really
want to talk about porn, or sex. But porn in particular, it’s a sticky subject, it brings up a lot of sensitive
issues for people, people don’t know if they should support it or be against it, or it’s one of these things
that we just don’t talk about, almost anywhere. And so.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(19:38) But what is what is not talking about it leading to? Let’s get to that part of the dangers of not
talking about it and dealing with it. What are you seeing?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(19:50) Yeah, I think one of the most important things we can do as a society is just start talking about it.
Because the danger that comes from not talking about it is so great because it increases the shame that
people feel, you know, if a young boy is looking at porn and thinks that, you know, he shouldn’t be or
that he’s wrong for doing it or that he’s sinful. You know, it just increases the amount of neuroses and
shame and addiction in our society. So I think we desperately need to be talking about it, particularly
since it’s not only is it a big problem for many adults, but it’s a growing problem for young children. I
mean, I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a cell phone with high-speed internet access
everywhere I go when I was eight or nine years old.
(20:39) And we know that kids are getting into pornography at younger and younger ages. And again,
I’m not, I’m not anti porn in the sense of against it on principle. I think there’s nothing inherently wrong
with images of people having sex. But I do think we need to start having conversations about the kind of
porn that people are getting exposed to, particularly since 95% of it is insulting, derogatory, violent
towards women. There’s also a lot of issues around sex trafficking, and just the fact that the way
actresses are treated, and all the problems with that.
(21:19) But just the fact that our children or you know, teenagers, and young kids are more and more
exposed to these things and don’t have any, don’t have any understanding that what they’re seeing in

pornography might not be what healthy intimacy looks like, means that we need to start having these
conversations more.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(21:39) And that shame spiral can lead to other addictions, or suicides, or you name it, right, because
they don’t want to admit it, or reach out for help.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(21:52) I heard somewhere, I don’t know exactly where I heard this but sex addiction has one of the
highest rates of suicide.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(21:59) And because of the shame attached to it, and not wanting to talk about it. And so when you
reached out to me, like I have a discovery call with all of my guests now. But yeah, let’s talk about this.
Addiction is an addiction that needs to be talked about. And it needs to be like, let out of the closet. And
just let’s, let’s talk about it. Right?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(22:24) Yeah, yeah.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(22:25) Because that’s the only way that people can get comfortable with talking about the hard things,
it doesn’t need to be, you know, derogatory, or like, there’s stuff that in dealing with drugs and alcohol
that are not nice to see or to think about, right? So what’s the difference? What is the difference? Like,
you don’t want to see your loved one out on a corner, shooting up, you don’t want to see that? Just like
you don’t want to see the other stuff too, right? So we just need to talk about it, and be real about it.
And know that there are, I just keep saying it. They’re real people that are dealing with this stuff. And we
need to have more compassion for the people that are going through it and don’t know how to reach
out. So where can these people reach out? Like, where? What have you found? And what have you
started to help these people?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(23:23) Yeah, well, I first just want to go back to something that you said, which is to really to
understand that addicts are people, you know, people who are struggling with addiction. There used to
be so much, you know, condescension, of people with addiction. And what we realize now is, we are all
one step away from being in their shoes. You know, if we had been born in different circumstance, with
a different childhood, and not the right support or resources, or financial situation, anything, any one of
us can be in a gutter shooting up heroin. And it’s not that far away. And, you know, it’s to realize that

people are doing their best. And that there are forces that work in terms of our society that pushes
people into addictive spirals, you know, especially looking at the porn industry, it is a billion-dollar
industry that is making money off of getting people addicted to pornography,

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(24:23) Just like Pharma is for addiction. Like, yeah, where there’s money and lots of money
involved. They’re just gonna keep feeding it. Right. So the way that you counteract that is just keep
talking about it and just keep on lifting the veil of shame and just saying we’re gonna keep talking about
it so that you can’t keep making money off of us.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(24:45) So which also, I mean, there’s another topic kind of related topic here, which is social media
addiction. And it’s again, it’s, it’s a money thing, you know, there’s industries that are, you know, they
make money off of hooking people’s attention. And there are consequences to that.
(25:03) So, anyways, to get back to your question of like, where can people go, you know, for support.
There’s some stuff that I’ve created, you know, I do coaching for men around this issue and provide a
safe, you know, judgment free space. I think the fact that I’ve been through porn addiction myself and
know what it’s like, already creates that safe container. I have some online resources, some online
courses. Men’s groups are also a great place, so you can almost always find a men’s group in your area.
And that’s usually, you know, you’ll have to do some research and find one that feels good. But finding a
place where you can talk to other men about some of these issues that you’re struggling with is a great
place to start. Therapy, also, you know, I guess what I would boil it down to is find someone who you
feel safe enough to open up to about it, that first one is always the hardest.
(25:58) The first person you tell, is always the most difficult. Once you get that first person, then you can
open up to a second person, then you can open up to a third person. And you start opening up to so
many people, but in each time you’re like, oh, they didn’t call me a monster, they didn’t call the police,
they didn’t run away screaming, they just looked at me with kind eyes and said, “wow, you know, that
must be tough.” And so finding people you can feel safe with and feel supported by is really important.
And then the second part of that there’s support, and then there’s accountability. And this is especially
what I do in the coaching work is having that accountability, which is a little bit of tough love. You know,
it’s like finding people that will hold you to your highest standard. Because our friends sometimes can,
can be good listeners, and they can help us let go the shame. But it doesn’t necessarily help us with the
accountability of really sticking to changing the way we’re living. So I would say those two are really
important.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(26:57) How do you how do you look at accountability with porn addiction? Like what? What kind of
steps do you take there?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(27:03) Yeah, accountability, the best, the longest lasting form of accountability is when you learn how
to be accountable to yourself. You know, when you learn how to say, “this is something I need to do,
how can I hold myself accountable.” But in the beginning, it’s helpful to have somebody who’s checking
in with you on a regular basis. You know, for example, I’m a firm, strong believer that when it comes to
porn addiction, having some sort of detox period, whether it’s 30 days, or 60 days or 90 days, but a
period where you’re really abstaining from watching it all together. I’m not necessarily saying that, that
is the long term solution that you can never look at it for a single moment. But in the beginning, having
that detox period is important. And in those first 30 days, or 60 days, it’s really helpful to have someone
who’s just checking in with you and saying, “how are you doing? did you fall off the wagon? do you need
to get started again?” And so that’s usually how it works with me and the clients I work with is. It might
not be right away, but at some point, we say, okay, now we’re going to do a 30 day detox, and almost
always that 30 days, then turns into 60, 60 turns into 90, but just having that regular check in where you
know, somebody is going to say, “how are you doing on that? How are you doing on that thing you said
you wanted to do?”

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(28:27) I completely understand that too you in terms of back to social media. Because in February of
this year, I knew that my social media scrolling was just out of control. And so I made the decision that I
was going to take a full month off and just leave social media. And same thing, I had to have that
accountability. So the first thing that I did is I made a plan of ok, what am I going to replace it with?
And so I made a list of books that I wanted to read that I’ve been wanting to read for a long time,
because I’m a reader, and just actually take the time now because I’m not going to be Doom scrolling
and just read these books.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(29:15) I think I read no word of a lie, six books in February, six or seven, like I’m a speed reader. So
normally I can read a lot faster than that. But I actually took the time and enjoy these books because I
knew I had the month. But I also had a friend of mine who’s one of my coaches check in with me too and
she would send me DMS and say, “How’s it going? How’s it going today?” And for the first four days, like
it was like, I was coming off of something I was just like, oh my god, the app is not there. What is this
person doing? What is that person doing? Oh my god, you know, and but after the first week I was like
this is freeing, this is so freeing. And so I actually have an intention of doing another full month, this year
as well and try to go like to two to three per year, I find it just releases you from, from something, you
know what I mean that you’re you’re trying to search for something, or see what other people are doing
and that comparison thing, right? And when you have no idea what they’re doing, it’s like, oh, okay, I
can just worry about myself. This is cool. So I get it. I get the accountability for this as well. Like just
having somebody reach out and say, “How’s it going today? How are you doing?” Right? So yeah,
absolutely critical.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(29:15) Yeah.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(30:50) I have a question about back to the signs. What are signs that somebody has a porn addiction or
is starting to have one?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(31:00) Yeah.
(31:01) Well, the easiest sign to tell is if you’ve felt like breaking free, like if you’ve tried to stop watching
and you can’t, you know, that’s a great sign is if you want to quit because you see the negative
consequences it’s having and you just can’t. So that’s a great sign.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(31:19) What if your loved one or somebody and you suspect that there is a porn addiction going on?
What is a sign for them?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(31:26) Yeah. So erectile dysfunctions of different sorts are definitely a way with some signals. There are
physiological based erectile dysfunctions that don’t have to do with porn addiction. But a lot of erectile
dysfunction does come from porn addiction, whether it is premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation
is also an issue where essentially people can’t orgasm, because they’re used to such a high stimulus and
such a high, you know, overloading of stimulus. So those can be signals.
(32:01) You know, it’s interesting, this is one of the reasons why porn addiction is so kind of challenging
to work with, because the connection between the consequences and the addiction itself are so hard to
see because they’re so subtle. So things like irritability, depression, lack of joy, lack of contentment.
Those are some of the signs of people struggling with porn addiction. Now, obviously, those could come
from a whole host of other things, right? Depression, anxiety, irritability can come from a lack of sleep.
Yeah. But those are some of the signs.
(32:35) The other problem is porn addiction, it’s one of these addictions, that’s so easy to hide from
other people. You know, if you’re an alcoholic, it’s very hard to hide it. If you are, you know, heroin
addict. Again, these things can be very hard to hide. Porn addiction, very easy to hide, because it’s
anonymous, you can do it almost anywhere. It’s freely accessible. So it doesn’t cost a lot of money. So
it’s not like you some people, you know, there are forms upon addiction and sex addiction, where you
are spending money. But for most of the time, it really is a personal discovery, where you realize, oh, I
have an issue with this. Though, I would say, you know, if, if there are issues in the sex life of
relationship, a lot of times it will be related to porn addiction, not always. But that’s a surefire signal.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(33:30) Because of what you were saying earlier in the comparison.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(33:35) Yeah, you know, imagine if you’re watching porn every night for 10 years. And every time you
log on, you’re searching for a very specific, niche subject, right. And that’s what you start to associate
arousal with. And then normal sex, you know, with a person doesn’t do it for you anymore. And because
you’re so disassociated from that all you associate your sexuality with is what you’re seeing on the
screen. And usually, in these very extreme, you know, can be, there’s all sorts of extreme stuff, there’s,
you know, rape porn, incest, you know, all these things that people get into, and then when they try to
go back to just normal vanilla, or vanilla sex, then it just doesn’t work for them.
(34:23) You know, another, here’s another way people can sense again. There partner couldn’t sense (it)
but a person could, is a lot of people who are addicted to porn, in order to orgasm, when they’re having
sex, they’ll need to close their eyes and think of porn that they watched while they’re having sex. So
instead of being able to orgasm, just from the sex with their partner, they have to close their eyes and
just imagine porn that they washed in order to, to orgasm. So again, that’s another way that an
individual could tell again, it’s hard for a partner to always tell, but these are the reasons that have and
conversations are so important. Yeah. Is that for a lot of time a partner won’t know.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(35:05) Yeah, absolutely. So what was your, because you said it took six years before you started talking
about, after you had released yourself from this? But what was your family and friends reaction to you
telling them about this? And now, what’s the reaction to you talking more about it?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(35:28) Yeah. So I think my, you know, it took me six years where I could start to open up to people I felt
safe with, you know, close friends, a therapist, and then I guess it was, it must have been almost 13
years after my recovery before I started going public with it. And really, you know, going on social media
and talking about it.
(35:51) And it’s a mix of reactions. You know, some people in my life were incredibly supportive, and
saw the value in me talking about it publicly and said, “You know, this is such important, such an
important topic, I’m so happy. You’re opening up and talking about this, I think the world needs more of
these conversations.” And there were other members of my family that found it much harder to deal
with, you know, because it is a sensitive topic and having someone talk about, you know, sex and
pornography and masturbation. You know, for example, I have a twin sister, and it was tough for her to
see me talking about these things. I think, in part, she just didn’t want to hear her brother talking about
things like masturbation and sex and pornography. But there’s also a lot of, you know, I got a lot of
pushback in some areas from, it’s just, it’s kind of hard sometimes to talk about sexuality, and what is

healthy or unhealthy. Because people can misinterpret it and think that you’re shaming sexuality, or that
you’re trying to say something is sinful, or, you know, so I got a lot of pushback from more from the left,
like more liberal side of like women saying, “Oh, you shouldn’t tell people what they can or can’t do.
Sexuality is beautiful.”
(37:21) And it was, in my opinion, a misinterpretation. And I’m not saying you can’t watch porn or sex is
bad. I’m saying, addiction is bad. And if you’re struggling with addiction, you know, wake up to that and
learn how to break free. But it’s just it’s such a triggering topic is such a sensitive topic, that it can cause
a lot of issues. And so for some of the members of my family, it really did. My sister and I had a really
tough time, and ended up not speaking to each other for a few months, because of, you know, the kind
of some back and forth that happened and things that she said that I was really upset about, about the
work I was doing. So yeah, it can be challenging.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(38:04) Thank you for sharing that. I have another question about so about women and pornography
addiction. Have you seen that, that is prevalent as well? Or is it more so for men?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(38:17) It’s definitely more so for men, but it is also common in women. It’s, you know, there’s a number
of reasons why women can get addicted too. Men, we know men have a stronger sex drive, for the most
part. They’re 100% women out there who have stronger sex drives then some men, some men have low
sex drives. But in general, you know, men are more sexually charged. And so the porn that’s out there
really taps into that primal sexual system of the male physiology. And so it is more common in men, but
we also see it in women. And it takes different forms, sometimes, but it’s definitely still there.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(39:00) It’s still there. Yeah. Where can people find you if they are struggling with porn addiction, and
where can they reach out and, just connect with you or with people that you’re working with? So that
they can release some of this shame and feel, I don’t know, just feel more peace. Where can they find
you?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(39:22) Yeah. So you can always connect with me on Instagram, Jeremy liquids or my website, Jeremy
liquids.com. If you’re interested in coaching, you can sign up for a discovery call. And then I’ll also be
launching fairly soon a group coaching program. So if one on one doesn’t work for you, there’s a more
accessible way to get it in a group setting. So I’ll be launching that in the next few months.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)

(39:50) Excellent. I really encourage whoever is needing somebody to talk to Jeremy is your guy because
he’s been in there, he’s been there, right? Before we close out what is one thing? One thing that you
want people to know about porn addiction?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(40:09) Oh, man, well, let me first say the one thing that I want people who are struggling with porn
addiction to know, and that is just that you’re not broken. You know, I think that’s the main message I
have is to let people know they’re not alone. They’re not broken. And healing is possible. You know, to
really understand and to know that you can change the way you live by getting support, taking action.
And so just to know that there’s hope, you know, for you.
(40:41) And then for everyone else, people who aren’t addicted to porn, we need to be normalize these
conversations of talking about these things, candidly and openly and honestly, because the more we
sweep it under the rug, you know, you said earlier, like, sometimes things with addiction are icky, and
we don’t want to look at them or talk about them because it’s uncomfortable. But if we don’t look at it,
and we don’t talk about it, it’s gonna fester. And it’s just gonna get worse. And so we need to have the
courage to have these conversations to talk about these things with our partners and our family and our
loved ones and our friends. And, yeah, it’s not something we can ignore, because it’s only going to get
worse, the more connected we become to phones and social media.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(41:32) Absolutely, absolutely.
(41:35) I end every interview with something I am grateful for. And then I ask you what you’re grateful
for. And just to bring it back around to the beautiful parts of our Heart Beautiful Journey, right? And so
for me today, I am grateful, honestly, I’m grateful you said the word courage. And I’m grateful that I was
given courage to just have these conversations and not be afraid to have them because we need to have
them to break stigmas. And we need to just give people that, that freedom to say what, what they’re
really struggling with every day. Yeah, what are you grateful for?

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(42:22) Can I say two things?

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(42:23) You can say as many as you want.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(42:26) I’m really grateful for the climbing gym that I live nearby, because I just got back from the
climbing gym. And it just, it does. So this the other thing I try to tell the people in recovery is exercise is
so foundational. Like, if there’s one thing you want to do, aside from getting accountability is start

moving your body, you know, moving the body, getting exercise. So I’m really grateful that I have this
climbing gym, because it’s a source of social life. For me, it’s a source of moving my body and staying fit.
(42:58) I’m also grateful for the mistakes that I’ve made in life, because they’ve shown me a better way
to live. And that’s very hard to realize in the dark moments when you’re at rock bottom. But when those
rock bottom moments kind of teach you what’s really important, and how are you not living in
alignment with your truth and your values. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. So I’m really
grateful for my, my mistakes and the things I’ve done in the past that I’m not so proud of.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(43:31) I love that. I couldn’t agree more. I’m so grateful for the mistakes that I’ve made. And, and just
all of the hard because in the moment, it sucks. It really sucks. I’m not gonna lie, it just sucks. But
afterwards, when you look back, you’re like, Oh, okay. I see why I needed to go through that. Because
now it’s helping me here. Right? So I couldn’t agree more. So thank you so much for you having the
courage all those years ago and even today and when you go on other podcasts and just share your
story. It’s so important that you’re doing this. And so I’m just truly grateful. Thank you again for being on
my show.

JEREMY LIPKOWITZ – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(44:19) Yeah, it’s a pleasure.

TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(44:23) Thank you, Jeremy for being on this episode of the podcast and being open and real about the
Hard Beautiful Journey that you’ve had with porn addiction. Today, you have given many people the
comfort to know that they are not alone, that they’re not broken, and that they too can hopefully speak
their truth and reach out for support. Please see the show notes for more information on where you can
find Jeremy. I want to remind all of my listeners that I also have a private Facebook group called Finding
Hope Through Your Siblings Addiction. I would love if you would let anyone know that it is dealing with
this, that there is a place of support for them as well. And I would love for you to join. This Hard
Beautiful Journey is much easier with someone to walk it with. We weren’t meant to do any of this
alone. Again, the name is Finding Hope Through Your Siblings Addiction. Thank you again for being here
and listening. It truly means so much to me that you take the time to listen. Until next time, please be
kind and stay well. Bye bye