Ending My Marriage With Love: What Grace Through Divorce Actually Looks Like

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Endings are hard.  Painful.   Necessary.

In a million years I never saw this one coming, until one day I realized it was time.  We realized it was time.

After 21 years of being together and 19 years of marriage, James and I are going our separate ways.

It’s been a tough few months working through this part of our journey.  We’ve done it with as much love and grace for one another and our kids. 

I am proud of us. 

We made the decision in May to a trial separation.  We bought a condo in Black Diamond and we’ve been sharing the condo so our kids could stay at the house and ease them into this new chapter.  I can honestly say that was the best decision we’ve made.  It allowed the kids to keep their sense of normal intact.  As much as possible anyway. 

But now we’ve made the decision to make it a permanent reality.  We will be selling our beautiful home and each of us having our separate spaces and the kids will start moving every week.  I hope and pray they find peace with this change.  I am grateful for experiencing moving homes from week to week during the trial separation.  It has given me compassion for what our kids will now experience.  It’s not easy to do.  We will make the transitions between homes as loving as possible.

I want James to be happy.  I want him to have the best possible life.  I will always have love in my heart for him.  And I know that’s what he wants for me as well.  In the end, we know in our hearts that we are better as friends and co-parents than as partners. 

We’ve had a Hard Beautiful Journey. This is the last chapter for our marriage, but not our family.

We experienced many hard things together. Infertility battles that brought us our 3 amazing kids. Parenting struggles with our kids. Marital struggles for various (private) reasons. But we’ve also had 21 years of amazing and beautiful moments. So many beautiful moments that I am eternally grateful for.

A new life is just beginning for me and I look forward to it.  I know eventually I will be better than ok.  I am excited to really get to know myself better.  I am excited to see what God and the Universe has in store for me.  I am excited to have joy in my life and be happy.

Change is constant and I am embracing all the change.

Even if it’s painful and requires copious amounts of Kleenex to dry my eyes.

To those who have been there for me over the past year or so as I’ve navigated this time, THANK YOU for being there for me.  It’s because of the love and support from you that I know I will come out the other side of this even stronger.

Xx,

Tiff